It seems like I get an invitation to participate in at least one online survey per month to share how I feel about everything from buying frames to prescribing medications. With the constant upheaval in health care reimbursements throughout my career, I have found taking these surveys is the easiest way to make a couple bucks on a regular basis.

So, I decided to offer you, my colleagues, my own survey. Please answer each question thoughtfully. The honorarium? Uh, no. 

1. What word most accurately describes you?

a. Optometrist. 

b. Ophthalmologist.

c. Eye care provider.

d. Jimmy Buffett.

2. Which is the most important piece of technology in your office? 

a. OCT.  

b. Autorefractor.  

c. Visual field analyzer.  

d. Keg.

3. How many staff members work with you?

a. Three.  

b. Four to six. 

c. More than six. 

d. At any given moment, maybe a couple of them. 

4. Why should a patient choose your office?

a. We provide the finest in eyecare and eyewear.

b. We accept most insurances.

c. My team members are friendly.

d. If I go under, I’m taking you with me.

5. What is your specialty?

a. Contact lenses.  

b. Dry eye treatment.  

c. Pediatrics.  

d. Star Trek.

6. What is your most common reason for making a referral to an ophthalmologist?

a. Cataracts. 

b. Retinal concerns.  

c. Oculoplastics. 

d. The patient is my relative.

7. When was the last time you took a PD?

a. Last week.  

b. Last month.  

c. Last year.  

d. A what?

8. When do you use handheld trial lenses?

a. To recheck refractions.

b. To show changes to a patient.  

c. To refract myself.  

d. To fry ants on the sidewalk.

9. How do you handle no-shows?

a. Try to reschedule them.  

b. Let them know I am concerned they may have had an emergency.  

c. Schedule all no-shows on Friday afternoons.  

d. We are closed on Friday afternoons.

10. What is your success rate with multifocal contact lenses?

a. 50%.  

b. 75%. 

c. 90%.

d. 100% are successful in going back to glasses.

11. What is the number one reason a patient comes to see you?

a. Has a vision plan.  

b. Referral from a friend.  

c. Too many birthdays.   

d. Heard that optometrists know how to party.

12. What would you do if they invented an eye drop that fixed every possible eye problem?

a. Retire.  

b. Stick it in my own eye. 

c. Charge $10,000 for the exam required to prescribe it. 

d. No, I’d really just stick in it my own eye now that I think about it. 

My answer to every question was d. How about you?